An open letter to my future husband.

Dear future husband,

Even though I don’t know exactly who you’ll be yet. I think of you often. I wonder how you’re living your life now. It matters to me because how you live your life now determines the kind of man I’ll spend the rest of my life with.

Apparently for some bizarre reason, manhood doesn’t come automatically for males. Some guys seem to spend their entire lives trying to “prove their manhood” – by hunting, playing sports, driving fast, and unfortunately, by having sex. It seems rather strange to us women that guys think having sex proves they are men. To us it just proves they have reached puberty.

Becoming a man is a much more complicated process. The funny thing is, even in this day and age, most guys want to marry a girl who respects her sexuality. A guy doesn’t like the idea of his future wife in the backseat with someone else, or of her being the subject of a sexual conquest story in the locker room. They’ll brag about girls like that, but they won’t marry them. They want to marry a girl who has never “done it”, who recognizes that sex speaks of forever, committed love – someone like me.

But why would I want to marry someone like that – someone who wants to marry a virgin but spends his youth robbing other girls of their virginity? He’s not a “real man” in my eyes – he’s a selfish, immature boy driven by insecurity, not love.

I want more from you. I want you to respect your sexuality as much as I respect mine.

I want you to really learn to love. Learning to love is learning to put the other first. A guy who messes around outside of marriage isn’t putting the good of the other first. He’s putting the girl at risk of pregnancy. He’s putting himself at risk of some nasty diseases – diseases he can then pass to his wife.

A real man doesn’t let his desires control his actions. He controls the desires instead. I want you to develop self control. That’s important to me. I don’t want to marry a man who can’t control himself. Men like that make lousy husbands.

When I meet you I want you to be a man who has made a conscious decision to wait – out of love for our future family and commitment to marriage. I want you to be a real man, who has developed the self control, maturity and unselfishness that waiting brings. That will make you a better husband, and a better father.

I’ve abstained from sex all these years, and saying “no” hasn’t always been easy. I’m sure it wasn’t always easy for you either. But it will make our marriage so much stronger.
Sex will be our gift to each other. It belongs to us; not “us and everyone else we have ever dated”

Thanks for waiting for me. I promise you won’t regret.


Author unknown.